artwork of RN cohen

my sister sent me the latest RN Cohen calendar and it made me so homesick that it brought me to tears. i miss maine so much. of course, so much of the gorgeous imagery also made me miss my father. sometimes i think it is a good thing i don't live in maine, because i know every little thing would remind me of him, but truth be told, i'd move back there tomorrow. there are so many things i miss about maine and he does an amazing job of capturing the simplicity of life there. please check out his website and his art.

this is so funny

jason, erin & scooter as "hip hop elves" tee hee!

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view//aD4UQa3UQxMN34eC

i'm still here!

i would like for this year to be a better blogging year for me. i've certainly been slacking. i have much to say (as always) and not enough time to do it. hmm...is there a blackberry app i can blog through? certainly that must be an option. hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. will write moe soon. xoxo erin

reasons why i'm grateful

-i have a great husband who drove 10 hours each way, so i could go to the wedding of a dear friend.

-i have an adorable dog that is the absolute LOVE of jason and i's lives

-jason thinks i'm beautiful not matter how thin or fat i am.

-i have a friendship with my mother and sister that i never thought i would

-we have wonderful neighbors who we absolutely adore

-i had a great relationship with my dad, and many memories that i'll always have - and not many regrets about things i would have done differently. above all, he knew that i loved him, and i knew that he loved me.

-my nephew is the happiest 6 year old i know. he still loves his auntie, but doesn't like to talk on the phone as much.

-jason and i have a home that is truly OUR home, feels like home , and we just love being here

-i have friends that i may not see everyday, or talk to every week, but real friends with no drama, who love and care about me

-i'm grateful for books. i read them too fast, but they afford me a nice distraction and getaway, and sometimes even inspiration.

-i'm grateful for my life. and hope that the quality of it will improve soon.

east atlanta YELP review

hey check this out - a review i did of a local australian bakery was featured in one of their direct email newsletters :) neato!

where do i stand politically? (loaded question!)

i recently took this political spectrum quiz and these were my results! interesting!

not your average fat girl

i've debated writing this blog for some time. i was inspired to today, from a friend of mine who also can relate to my health issues. many of you reading this are dear friends - who love me no matter what - and i'm so grateful for that. something sensitive i've been battling with for the past few years is a significant weight gain. being good friends, most of you wouldn't dare acknowledge this. however, some of you have, in the nicest possible way. i also recently met up with an old friend, who is just plain freaking honest. he told me he was shocked at how much weight i've gained and couldn't understand why, because he knows that i've always been very active and conscious. when i explained it to him, he became quite concerned, but than it occurred to me that i needed to more honest with everyone.

the truth is - i'm about 70 lbs past what i normally weigh. and trust me friends, this is not because i've been chowing down on sticks of butter and fried foods every night. the truth is, for the past few years i've been working with many doctors to try and figure out why:

1. i've gained so much weight
2. why i can't lose it

if any of you have dealt with the healthcare system you know how challenging this can be. i've seen specialists, in addition to my general practitioner, who all have their theories and have put me on so many medications i can't even tell you. right now i'm on about 10 per day. some work, some don't - many i've been on and off, depending on what side affects happen. it is so frustrating to me that no one can figure it out. i was on a 1200 calorie diet for over a month and even walked 45 minutes a day, 5 days a week and not only didn't lose weight, but gained a few pounds.

i just recently started seeing an endocrinologist, who i believe is the most promising doctor i've seen so far. for my initial consultation, he sat with me for 45 minutes and we walked through my entire health history. he promised me that he'd work with me to find a solution and assured me that the weight gain is a result of something hormonal, especially since the weight gain is primarly in the visceral, stomach area. he told me that you can tell a person's organic/true frame, usually by the size of their wrists and ankles and mine are relatively small. so far, he's done a blood workup and i'm going back for additional testing tomorrow. his first reaction is that it is thyroid, pituitary, insulin-resistance related.

i have to be honest and say that in the past when i've seen someone overweight, i made assumptions and judgements that weren't fair. maybe this is karma's way of coming back to bite me in the ass for always being the skinny girl. of course, i want to figure out what is wrong, to simply be healthy again, and to be able to enjoy the sports/activities i did in my past - but also, it has been quite emotional for me, as well. i'm like a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. and guess what - whether we like it or not, people treat you differently when you're overweight. i've seen the result of this both personally and professionally...especially being in marketing/advertising - which is a very image-conscious industry. running into old friends from high school and college, and hell, even a few years ago is always challenging as well. a part of me wants to defend myself and say "hey, i'm not just fat because i've given up on myself and don't care" but then the other half of me is embarrassed by it.

for some, this may be TMI. for others, you may be thinking "ahhhh...i see, it is all coming together now." for my friends and family, who have been amazingly supportive, i love you for that and appreciate everything. consider this my weight-gain-coming-out party. i hope that soon (even though you guys love me for who i am and not what i look like) i will be back to my healthy, thin, self. xoxox